With adrenaline still coursing through our veins we finally landed on the South Island. So what would be our next move? Bungy jumping, white water rafting, a spot of zorbing? Actually no, we were heading to a gay farmstay!
Autumn Farm is located on the edge of Takaka, a little hippy town in the Golden Bay region of New Zealand. We originally found the place when we were thinking of doing some farm work for a while. Okay we secretly had cowboy fantasies and notions of rolling in the hay but the very thought of work soon put paid to that idea. So we decided to stay and relax for a couple of days instead. The place was incredible - beautifully designed, everything had been thought of - a giant spinning glitter ball and disco lights in the bathroom (my personal favourite), a cushioned snug at the bottom of the garden and an outdoor bath heated by a fire beneath it. The place was also clothing optional, something me and my Ed just never buy into but is always great as a source for our amusement. There is nothing funnier than watching a highly unattractive man, making his lunch, in nothing but his sandals. We did very little at Autumn Farm, mainly sunbathing and taking evening baths under a blanket of stars - very romantic. Feeling refreshed it was time to move on though. As we left in the early morning we came across the best image of our trip so far - outside somebody's van was a discarded lone trainer and a cucumber - the mind truly boggles!
Autumn Farm is located on the edge of Takaka, a little hippy town in the Golden Bay region of New Zealand. We originally found the place when we were thinking of doing some farm work for a while. Okay we secretly had cowboy fantasies and notions of rolling in the hay but the very thought of work soon put paid to that idea. So we decided to stay and relax for a couple of days instead. The place was incredible - beautifully designed, everything had been thought of - a giant spinning glitter ball and disco lights in the bathroom (my personal favourite), a cushioned snug at the bottom of the garden and an outdoor bath heated by a fire beneath it. The place was also clothing optional, something me and my Ed just never buy into but is always great as a source for our amusement. There is nothing funnier than watching a highly unattractive man, making his lunch, in nothing but his sandals. We did very little at Autumn Farm, mainly sunbathing and taking evening baths under a blanket of stars - very romantic. Feeling refreshed it was time to move on though. As we left in the early morning we came across the best image of our trip so far - outside somebody's van was a discarded lone trainer and a cucumber - the mind truly boggles!
All the lazing around had made us hungry for a bit of exercise, so for our next venture we decided to undertake another of New Zealand's great walks - this one was through Abel Tasman National Park. Taking two days to complete we set off in the early morning with a rolled up blanket and enough cheese and chutney sandwiches to feed a small army. The sandwich filling actually sparked a lively debate between me and my Ed about whether Sir Edmund Hillary took cheese and chutney sandwiches up Everest - sadly it will be a question that we never get to ask. The walk was a fantastic experience, taking in the most stunning coastal scenery and with several secluded bays, we broke up our hiking with sunbathing and dips in the ocean. It was real achievement when we finally staggered into our destination.
We timed our completion of the Abel Tasman with the Mardi Gras celebration that was happening in Takaka. Now we realised that Tarkaka was a very hippy town but that still didn't prepare us for the amount of bad folk music we were about to endure. Painful is an understatement, mixed in with a 100% sobriety made the whole thing literally unbearable - naturally Ed loved every second. I honestly thought the day could get no worse, then the mime arrived and I was proved wrong.
If there is one thing in life I really hate it's mimes and this one was particularly detestable as he danced around like a cunt making over exaggerated facial gestures. Mimes really annoy me for many reasons but my biggest bugbear is the way they encroach their presence on other acts in a vain attempt to steal the limelight. Take this scene:
A group of young children were doing a dance presentation to a Michael Jackson song, an act that was ghastly enough in itself but take a closer look in the left hand corner:
There he is dancing around like a knob, trying to avert eyes on to him, ruining the group of 12 year olds moment of fame. Truly the act of a talentless narcissist. Please stop these people performing in public spaces!
The day would have been a total waste of life but it was thankfully saved when a little girl pulled down her pants and whilst standing up, pissed all over the grass, frankly a sentiment I quite agreed with, followed by an elderly woman unknowingly lying backwards and putting her head in it. We almost killed ourselves laughing.
Still chuckling we are now heading South to climb a glacier - it's New Zealand and we're not drinking, what else would we do!
No comments:
Post a Comment